I’m sorry. What do you need to feel better?

In my opinion, the best words to hear when you’ve been hurt. I first heard these words from my now-husband-then-boyfriend during our first argument and they truly did wonders to shift me out of my loop of “you hurt me” mode. It’s a gift to apologize to someone but even more a gift to ask what they need to feel better. It takes the blaming or defensiveness out of the equation and moves things forward to search for resolve with heartfelt honoring of the one who has been hurt.

This works so well with others and I’ve been asking myself, can it work within my own being as well? When I’ve disappointed myself or feel as though I’ve failed wouldn’t it be nice to feel heard, honored and lovingly moved forward by ME?

The same goes for pain in the body as well. In many workout classes, I can see people pushing through, with almost a hatred and frustration for the pain signals in their body. “This stupid knee” or “my bad shoulder” keeps me from doing the things I want to do. But, that knee is the same as YOU.

The YOU that wants to run is the same YOU that has a knee.

The signal you’re receiving that you want to run is just like the signal that the knee is telling you it needs change.

And what if, in that moment, instead of pushing away that feeling of pain (which is truly a call for help), you say to your knee (or whatever is talking to you) “I’m sorry. What do you need to feel better?” And most importantly, what if you listen to the answer coming back to you?

I would never, ever intentionally hurt my partner. If he comes to me and tells me something I have done has caused him pain, I would try to learn to change what I’m doing immediately.

It’s a dance of love and listening that, the more we practice with others, the more we can practice with ourselves. And, the more we practice with ourselves, the more we can practice with others.


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