I’ve always been a dreamer. I’ve always had projects and plans of plenty.
And lately I’ve been feeling like I’m unsure of my next goal, my next dream. I am in this rare place in life where, for a second, I have love. I have built a career. I have people around me. I have a sense of family. I have shelter and food and a little bit of time. I have activities that allow me to express and move and learn. I have community. I have health. I have clean water. I have access to the internet and luxuries that not all people in the world have. I have my memories and my mind. I have a practice that keeps me sane. I have a willingness to observe what improvements can be made in myself and my life. I have…
So, why do I feel the unsettling, constant feeling that I need to do more? The forever tugging desire to DO SOMETHING?
I noticed today in my yoga practice that this shows up in asana as well.
I remember my first teacher talking about the three phases of poses: the getting there, the BEING there, and the leaving there. Similar to the phases of life. And I realized today that the being there can be so easily skipped over. There is so much to do in asana. Tweaks and refinements. More challenging options, ways to “deepen” the pose. Modifications, support, choices.
As I lie in savasana, which has always been a struggle for me if I’m being honest, I noticed how much “doing” could possibly sneak up here as well. Consciously relaxing this, letting go of that. Watching thought, etc.
But in that moment…and, in THIS moment as you’re reading this…you have all you need. There is a moment in asana, just like in life, where it is as if after swimming upstream for hours and hours, there is a pause and a slice of time where you’re able to hover, without doing, as if you’ve found a branch to hold to. As if you’re safe as the current of water rushes by you.
And the more you let yourself find that moment in asana, maybe the more you will have that moment in life.
I’m very aware that I’m in that lucky slice of time right now…that someday again, I will have to rebuild. I will feel like I have no community or not enough of this or that. I will feel struggle to maintain relationship. I will feel loss. I will feel that impulse…that need for change and growth that is as powerful as a fire surging inside.
And the BEING there sure does take DOING. I have to set up trikonasana/triangle pose. I have to understand the mechanics and the intention and how it works best for me. I have to enter into it mindfully and find a supportive way to experience it. But then…I am IN triangle. For a moment, I AM triangle. And once that passes and I wobble, it’s time to readjust or time to come out and do something else.
But before the wobble…before the readjustment, there is that moment. That slice of time when you have all you need. Give yourself that moment. Find it in asana and you will find it in life.